On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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