please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
