you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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