Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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