I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My feet surprised me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
