Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
