I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm passing your future prison.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
