My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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