Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize