why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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