Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
