I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
