I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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