Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
