Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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