Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
