Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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