I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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