Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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