white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
