I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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