tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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