he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Mom said you looked used
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
