Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
