I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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