Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
