hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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