Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize