its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
