Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
