i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
