when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
