i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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