Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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