a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
