Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
