kristin has been a bad kristin
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
