he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
