I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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