I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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