I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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