I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
