if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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