Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
