Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A+ Viking dick
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