My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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