I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
