Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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