he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize