and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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