i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
