I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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