That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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