Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
