Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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