I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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