dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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