It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
