just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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