You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
