So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
