Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
