i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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