you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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