ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
