Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize