Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize