oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
