Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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