Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize