When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
