We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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