You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Everything about him screamed your future.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
