Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
