I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
