I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
