i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
