You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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