his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
