dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
