I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
