You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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