Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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