I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
