I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
