hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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