Need sex. Gaining weight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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