phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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