I am spending my child support on dildos
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
